Hollywood Burger Bar
4211 NE Sandy Blvd
Portland, OR 97213
(503)288-8965
I’m an old-fashioned kind of guy – I hold doors open for other people, I walk on the appropriate side of the pavement when there’s a lady present and call old people “sir” or “ma’am.” And just like any respectable old-fashioned man, sometimes I like to sit down at a lunch counter, order a cheeseburger and fries without looking at the menu, and eat it right there with the grill sizzling and the radio on. Lucky for me, I know exactly where to find a place to do that: the Hollywood Burger Bar.
I fear that such establishments are dwindling in number; with the ubiquity of chain restaurants and faux-retro burger joints, the real thing can often be swallowed up in a sea of imitations. Thankfully that doesn’t seem to be the case with the Burger Bar. Founded in the 1950s, it has the kind of communal, familiar atmosphere that puts me at ease immediately. The walls are festooned with images of vintage Bettie Boop and local newspapers are scattered all around a wide horseshoe shaped bar, two waitresses and a cook skillfully working around each other in the interior section. A radio station was playing a track from Radiohead’s In Rainbows when we arrived, but even that mild anachronism didn’t put me off.
I had brought my esteemed editor along with the promises of a hearty experience and while I declined a menu, he scanned his quickly. The titular burgers are clearly the drawing point: Original (that’s 1/3 pound with fixin’s and 1000 Island), Bacon Cheese, Special (with ham, fried egg and cheese), and most massive of all, the Hollywood Ultimate Double (2 patties, bacon, and both Swiss and Cheddar cheese). For you heathens, a veggie burger can be substituted. In addition to all that, arrays of classic sandwiches are offered (Reuben, Clubs, Chicken Melts) and a few slightly more esoteric items like Gyros and Teriyaki plates. After some deliberation, I had a standard order of a cheeseburger, fries and a cola (Royal Crown will always be king cola), while my editor chose a half ham and cheese sandwich (no onions) with a bowl of chicken dumpling soup. How old school is this place? Cash or check only, and not a single item over seven dollars.
We had barely begun our discussion on both why I had not yet listened to In Rainbows and how much word count was too much when our meals arrived. My burger was sizzling hot with plenty of onions and pickles and golden fries; with an especially nice touch, the burgers are served on plastic lunch trays lined with butcher paper. I dove right into mine as my editor was warned that his soup was molten-hot; there was a tense moment when it turned out his sandwich was slathered with onions, despite his request and vocalized hatred of raw onion. Once the waitress noticed her mistake, she did spend the rest of our visit alternately apologizing and explaining the history of the Burger Bar, which mollified both of us.
My burger was delicious, as always – hot, fresh and old-fashioned. The fries were straight out of the fryer and glistened with crispiness, while my editor polished off every dumpling and every onion-less bite of sandwich. I was sorely tempted by the prospect of a malt (extra malt by request) or the legendarily thick milkshakes, but simply couldn’t do it. Sometimes an old-fashioned meal has to be quick and simple – no milkshake to slow me down.
by Nathan Kamal
[Photos: Jack McCartor]
