There’s nothing in life quite like peach dump cake. Few cakes taste so good yet turn sinister so quickly. If not refrigerated within a reasonable amount of time it starts to congeal into something that approximates the look and texture of drunken vomit on a bathroom floor. If consumed past its expiration date it also just might wreak havoc on your bowels. It’s called dump cake for a few reasons, you see. Yet at its best peach dump cake is a sweet and savory treat that’s both simple to make and impossible not to love. It’s true that countless killers have requested peach dump cake as their last meal.
Ingredients:
1 large can of cling peaches in heavy syrup (get the biggest friggin’ can in the store if you’re bold)
1 box of butter pecan cake mix
1 stick of real butter (do not use margarine)
Now follow these ridiculously simple instructions:
1. Open the can of peaches and DUMP the contents into a 9×13 in. pan.
2. DUMP the cake mix over the peaches and spread it all around. Avoid sexual arousal, please.
3. Cut the butter into pats and place them on top of the cake mix.
4. Bake according to the directions on the cake box.
5. Periodically check to make sure the ingredients haven’t combusted in the oven.
Once the cake is ready you can eat it warm or allow it to cool. Cut it into pieces and share. Forget health for a while and add some ice cream if you want. The first few bites might seem like those initial, clumsily tentative drags from your first joint years ago, but eventually you’ll find yourself addicted to the dump cake. If there’s any cake left over, it’s best to let it cool a bit and then stick it in the refrigerator. You don’t want to mess with days-old room-temperature dump cake.
by Eric Dennis
