802 Red River Street
Austin 78701
512.476.5149
www.jaimes-austin.com
One of my best friends currently hosts a high school exchange student from Germany. In the past few months, we have tried to show her some gems of American culture: iced water, college football, Converse All-Stars and marshmallows, to name a few. In true exploitative American spirit, we bought tickets to see a Michael Jackson cover band that came through Austin, approximately five minutes after he went to that great med-spa in the sky. It was to be an all-out girls night, complete with pre-show margaritas. What better way to complete our tutorial Americana than a dinner of our local favorite: Mexican food?
To avoid the concert crowd, we went across the street to Jaime’s Spanish Village. My first trip here hooked me with the Queso Compuesto and I had made several more visits over the years. The big draw is the gorgeous shaded patio, although I admit I haven’t been in the past six months. In other words, I had not been since Jaime’s changed hands. I have fond college memories of escaping the hole of Waco and embracing the city of Austin, complete with Jaime’s unbeatable salsa and enchiladas.
I should have left well enough alone.
My last visit will be just that: my last. About the only thing that could be stomached was our giant pitcher of frozen margarita. As we went through the obviously whittled down menu, we hosted some thought provoking questions from our European protégé. First, we had to explain that a taco is a crunchy (or soft) tortilla filled with meat and cheese. This was immediately followed by her inquiry for what an enchilada entails. Simple: a tortilla filled with meat and cheese, usually topped with sauce and probably more cheese. Finally, we explained that a burrito is a tortilla filled with meat and cheese, usually topped with sauce and probably more cheese. She stumped us with “So what is the difference? Is all Mexican food tortillas with meat and cheese?”
We felt a little sheepish, but reassured her that Tex-Mex is our great state’s most significant contribution to society (no offense to Dubya and NASA). Imagine the explaining we had to do when our crappy food came out. Unfortunately, the new ownership has really taken down this ship. Our service was beyond slow, especially bothersome since we were the only people in the restaurant. To squeeze lemon juice in a paper cut, the menu is also second rate at best. With no exciting choices, our entire group stuck to a variation of tacos and burritos.
We all had high hopes for the Queso Compuesto, one of the only remnants from the previous menu. Tragically, Jaime’s has cut the worst corner possible and committed the cardinal sin of cooking: using pasteurized dairy product in the place of real cheese. The shame. The horror!
Our radioactive orange goo came with a bit of bland guacamole and unseasoned ground beef. We were already two pitchers in, so we ate it all out of sheer drunkenness (exchange student excluded, for the record). The tacos and burritos arrived in a similar fashion. The plates were burning hot -from sitting under heat lamps, I suspect- without a shred of real cheese in sight. I never thought I would see the day that a rice, bean and “cheese” burrito was ruined but alas, the day came. The general consensus is that the refried beans tasted “funky” and everything else pretty much had no taste at all. I would like to make it very clear that I enjoy food and I like eating. I almost never leave behind a meal, but in this case, I walked away from my plate with almost an entirely uneaten burrito. That says something.
After waiting almost an hour for our check, we escaped in time to grab some barbecue across the street. We’ll just have to take out our visitor again, but next time we will choose more wisely.
by Phyllis Anastasia Gasper
[Photo: Eddie Codel]
